HW 59 - SOF Prom 2011 & DSPs

I did not participate in prom 2011- neither the actual prom nor the after party. This was because #1 I am a junior and wasn't invited and #2 I am new to the school and it would be awkward if I showed up.

I am definitely planning to go to prom next year, especially because it will be my prom. I have heard so much about it in movies and from others that I feel I would miss out on a huge part of the American culture and the whole high school experience if I didn't go. What was discussed in class did not change my opinion on prom; we talked about dominant social practices and how prom is overrated, but I'm sure the attitude someone has towards prom is based on their own opinion. If a person wants to dress up and look like a movie star - they can. If someone wants to bring a cousin as a date - why shouldn't they? If prom is spent with a group of real friends then no one will be (or should be) made fun of. 

I didn't find out much about prom '11. All I heard was that the actual prom was great but the after party was boring and no one danced. I don't have much experience with prom but one of my thoughts is that most people got tired during the actual prom and were out of energy for the after party. It also could be that people dispersed into different parties and the official one became the least popular. 

All the stereotypical and cartoony descriptions of prom I heard and read in class did not discourage me and I as still berry excited to go next year.

HW 58 - Prom Interviews

I had always thought prom is a night everyone looks forward to but, to my surprise, not all of my peers are planning to attend it. I talked about it to 5 of my sophomore friends (all girls). Only three of them showed enthusiasm about getting all dressed up and going to prom, "It means nothing to me, it's just a waste of time". My interviewees agreed that girls are expected to be beautiful and get pretty for prom whatever it takes. Then again, only three were excited about actually doing it, the other two thought it was overrated. They all agreed that prom is definitely influenced by media- there is a whole business around dresses, corsages and other accessories. 

The people I interviewed who have already lived through their prom times are both teachers at our school. Both of them had slightly different experiences than anyone else; one of them decided to go alone while the other did not go to prom at all. In their times, this was completely fine, while today, their attitudes would be described as lame and would in some cases be equivalent to 'social suicide'. My first interviewee made the decision not to go to prom because he did not have a significant other to accompany him, "I wanted to go with someone I was romantically linked to because that is what I thought prom was about". My second interviewee decided not to go with anyone, because she felt like prom was about having fun with friends "you don't want to end up awkwardly stuck with one person for the night". 

My last two interviewees knew barely anything about prom as they are Polish and prom is not part of their culture/tradition. Based on my (vague) descriptions of American prom, they compared it to their experiences of the Polish equivalent. They described our 'studniówka' as being much more formal, with students suddenly becoming more mature, even if it is only for that one night. "'Polonez' [the traditional dance] is usually danced with a couple of teachers, which makes everyone take it a bit more seriously". 

Despite strong, dominant social practices around prom, many people are not afraid to step out of the circle and do what they, themselves want to do. Some teens chose not to go to prom, describing it as an overrated waste of time. Others decide to go without a date to have as much fun and be as free as possible. These behaviors are fully acceptable. The fact that peers may judge you should not be a discouragement from doing whatever you please- after all, prom is 'your night'. How a person spends it is completely up to them and they are free to approach it in any way they please, despite opinions, media and traditions. There are, however, as many opinions on prom as there are people in the world (who are familiar with the American culture). I am not too familiar with prom and I might as well be missing the point.

HW 57 - Initial Thoughts on Prom

Having grown up in another country with a completely different culture, my whole knowledge of prom is based on movies and books. I have never come in contact with it before, but being in this school I am starting to realize how big of a deal prom actually is.

There is a slightly different attitude towards prom in Poland. It is supposed to be elegant and fun, while prom here (from what I hear) is all about showing off and doing what you are expected to do. The difference is probably caused by overall economics. Poland, being a smaller and definitely poorer country, will have less haughty proms than America. We, on the other hand, have stronger and older traditions. 

The most important part of a Polish prom (or "studniówka" - the "100 day" ball, 100 days before the SAT) is dancing the Polonez, one of many traditional Polish dances. It is always rehearsed months in advance and is danced in pairs, just as it was centuries ago. The culmination point of a typical American prom, however, is (I think) choosing the Queen and King. Comparing the two, I actually think the Polish prom is taken much more seriously than prom here. It is not about showing off, doing everything to win the beauty contest, but is based on showing real class and being mature.

Questions:

-How are we supposed to treat our prom date? (as a friend or partner?)

-When and how did the tradition of prom start in the American culture?

-Couldn't chaperones just turn a blind eye on all the alcohol if they know it is, and will be, there anyway?

-Are proms different in different states?

HW 56 - Culminating Project Comments

To Casey:

You definitely spent a lot of time on research and included a lot of interesting information in your work. You wrote about the history of coffins/caskets and explained how they changed over time. 
I love your idea of making your own little model of a casket. You managed to build it despite many problems you encountered. 
It would be great if all caskets were biodegradable like yours - they would be much better for our environment.

http://normalisweirdbycaseys.blogspot.com/2011/05/hw-55-culminating-project-care-of-dead.html?showComment=1305682666081#c8641224164777390356

To John:

I really enjoyed and agree with your theory about people comforting each other. I would never have thought of that but it makes complete sense and now seems even obvious.

I admire your courage to go to a funeral, especially of someone you didn’t know. I have been to one funeral ceremony. It wasn’t an easy experience and I hope I won’t have to attend another one for a while.
I wish you had written a bit more about your experience at the funeral. I was very curious to find out what people asked you when you were there.

http://weirdisweirdtoo.wordpress.com/2011/05/16/witnessing-a-strangers-funeral/

To Kevin:

You summarized the process of embalming and presented an overview of the industry around it. Your work is very clear and to the point in a way which keeps the reader interested.
Its great that you actually decided to write a paper (against your own will) after your original plan didn't work out. I think you did a good job with your research, bearing in mind this was a last minute idea.
What shocked me most was that some people consider embalming an art. In my opinion, thats taking it all a bit too far. But still, people can have many different views...

http://normalisweirdkevinw.blogspot.com/2011/05/homework-55-cumulative-project-part-2.html

~o~o~o~o ~o~o~o~o ~o~o~o~o ~o~o~o~o ~o~o~o~o ~o~o~o~o ~o~o~o~o


From Eloise:


I think in your prokect you tried to summarize the 7 stages of greif and how they usually happen for most people and how it effects their daily life and the importance of such feelings. You then represented this with a visual.

I thought that your visual was very powerful and the colors you choose and how you faded them made me really feel a surge of emotions that for me were warm positive STRONG overwhelming feelings. I really value how connected I felt to your artwork. I also really value that you have concluded that death ironically, is important for us living to live through.

My only advice that I could give you is that your stages of greif seem kind of narrow and try and place evryone in a certain order and I think that emotions like this are hard to make a specific "lay out for" When you said you put them in your own order, i think this would have been more powerful (if you have greived a death) to discuss your own stages.

I did think this was nice though because we did not really discuss emotional connections that much and this is definatley an automatic ritual.

GREAT JOB MARTYNA, I loved your art work and the flow of ideas you represented your thoughts well. BE PROUD !


From Bianca:


You present to us the seven stages of grief. You make it clear that these stages are important if a person if to move on from mourning and perhaps let go of their emotional turmoil. I'm glad that you chose to do your project on thr stages if grief because in this unit we didn't focus much on it. I've never grieved yet. Reading your post makes me realize that it's easy to put the steps and guidelines to follow in order to control our hurt and guilt but, it's probably much harder to follow through on these steps easily. Yout visual is truly beautiful. It really contrasts with the idea of death because usually we associate death with dark colors, not so much warm colors. One thing you should've done was cite your sources that listed the different steps. It would've been interesting to read more in depth. Also, instead of just writing out the steps, try to analyze them more. Nonetheless, great work!


From Kevin:


I thought your project is maybe the most interesting in the grade.

You took something that we haven't even discussed in class. I think that the steps you made are understandable and logical.

What this project is lacking is analysis. You could have analyzed each step and given examples for everything.
The illustration that you included also adds to the project because it interests the reader. I know it interested me.
I'd say overall this is a very interesting, well written project. It included concise explanations and was easy to read. Good work.


From Amber:


I was interested in reading about the different stages that one experiences when they lose their loved one. Everyone approaches death differently and they may approach these steps differently as well. I feel like it depends on the person and how close they were to their loved one. The closer they were, the longer it will take for them to finally accept the death of their loved one. I didn’t know that there were so many steps involved within grieving for a loss. When I think about people who recently lost their loved one, I think of them crying for a couple of days then going back to their normal routine. After reading this, I was able to figure out that this is not the case. The grieving period is much more longer than I thought it would be. Now I realize that one cannot go straight to accepting the death of their loved one. They had probably spent a great amount of time with them; they shouldn’t be expected to move on with their lives right after a great loss. I think it would have been nice if you had added your own thoughts or personal experiences to the seven stages of grief. Otherwise good job.



From John:


You analyze death in a perspective previously not explored in the unit - that in it of itself shows creativity and determination (not to mention the art to go along with it). Your project topic is very interesting; going through each step for me was very visual, bringing to mind memories and feelings of death and how I coped with my own grief. What I would have liked to see more is your own opinion on the step by step process, rather than giving a summary of your research. I know that I for one, agree with several of the steps but not others (now that of course is my own experience with grief). I also think that it’s not necessarily steps like baking a cake or a caterpillar turning into a cocoon, but a mix of many at once with a dominant feeling or perspective, and how you deal with that feeling (which you may not) the minor feeling develops into the next dominating feeling. But that’s just my opinion, you have done more research than me on this topic. I am now more inspired to research this myself. The post was revealing and even helpful in my own personal life.


From my Mom:

I think that the subject you chose for your final project is a good conclusion of the topic of  “Care of the dead”. Everybody has or will have to deal with the death of their loved ones sooner or later. This helps to understand how the mourning process must go. It is also very helpful if someone knows that he or she has a right to be angry and sad, and that this is a normal process. I remember that, before she died, my grandmother told everybody not to cry at her funeral. This was, of course, impossible and, along with sorrow, we felt guilty that we were not fulfilling her last wish. If she had known that sadness is natural maybe she would never have asked us for the impossible. I like your visualization although I think that the stages should be put in a kind of graphical order, not only numbered. I am glad that the subject of death is finished and I hope to discuss and comment]on more pleasant topics in the future.

HW 55 - Culminating Project - Care of the Dead

Once again, I chose a visual representation, this time of the stages of grief. Because several sources I found listed the steps quite differently, I decided to put together my own "stages of grief".

The photo isn't really readable so here is the text itself:

Seven Stages of Grief

Death of a close one is certainly one of the most difficult experiences a person can encounter. There are certain stages of grief, with which  sadness eventually fades leaving only memories. Everyone goes through the mourning process differently; some may stay in one stage for a very long time, others might skip several stages altogether, but whenever a person tries to escape a certain stage, the whole process simply gets longer.This is a representation of what a person usually goes through after such a great loss.

Shock and denial

Shock is the first feeling a person will usually encounter after finding out about the death of someone they love. During this stage, a person may feel numb, and unreal. They might not comprehend the news and deny the possibility of death altogether.

Guilt

After the news slowly sinks in, a person may then feel guilty of their loved one's death. They might blame themselves for what had happened, even if the loss had nothing to do with them.

Anger

A stage which follows afterwards is anger. This is when the person gets furious at anything that may have caused the death. Their anger may be directed at someone else, the whole world or even the dead person themselves. 

Bargaining

At this point, the grieving person will be desperate to somehow bring the dead back to life. They might pray, make sacrifices and promises to God just to bring back their loved one. This stage may also be accompanied by isolation from the world.

Depression

When the person realizes their hopes and requests were in vain, they fall into a state of depression and deep sadness. They stop caring about everything and anything and see no sense in their own lives.

Reconstruction

When the person finally starts to get over their loss, they slowly put their life back together. They make reasonable conclusions and are, once again, able to make good decisions.

Acceptance

After the death of a loved one, the last stage of grief is acceptance. This does is not necessarily  accompanied by happiness but brings relief, a final acceptance of death and a return to normal life. A healthy process of grief can last from one to two years.

Of course, life after the death of a loved person will never be the same as before; there will always remain a feeling of emptiness and sorrow. Grief is a healthy process which allows a person to slowly go back to their normal life and we have to deal with it however painful it may be. With each stage of grief "it doesn't get better - it gets easier". We should all remember that death is, in fact, an important part of life. 

HW 54 - Independent Research B

[For my research, I consulted the Bible and interviewed a Polish priest, Richard Wtorek]

I was born a Catholic Christian. I go to church, where reciting the Nicene Creed (first adopted in Nicaea in year 325) is one of the main parts of the mass. In the statement of creed, death is mentioned twice: "For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate; he suffered death and was buried. On the third day he rose again" and "We look for the resurrection of the dead, and the life of the world to come". Because this creed is what the Catholic faith is characterized by, it means that my religion is actually based on death, and the life of a soul afterwards. If this is the case, do we have to die in order to live?

"Very truly, I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit." (John 12:20-33). This line quite literally means that a seed has potential, but only when it stops existing as an actual grain (i.e. dies) is it able to live its full life and bear fruit. One of the jobs of a priest when dealing with a family whose loved one has passed away is helping them realize that death is not the final part of a person's life, and that "it is the love of Jesus Christ that will save a person from death" (Wtorek). This makes sense; the grain of wheat is an analogy to our lives - we can live fully and eternally only after death.

This eternal life, however, does not come for free. We need to believe in Jesus in order for our souls to be resurrected, "Jesus said to her, 'I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?' " (John 11:25-26). This is also mentioned in the Letter of St. Paul to the Romans: "If you declare with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved" (Rom 10:9). I compared this to the answer of Father Richard: "if the relatives of the dead person have strong faith, it helps them". Indeed, if a person believes that their dead relative believed in Jesus, then they can be assured that he, the dead, will be resurrected. In conclusion, according to the Bible, people of other religions who do not believe in Jesus and his resurrection will simply die with no hope of any form of afterlife. This isn't really fair, now is it?

Resurrection is what every Christian believes, or should believe, is the greatest triumph. If we believe in Jesus and his resurrection, we will be rewarded with the resurrection of our own spirit, which will then live forever. 

"The Word of God about the promise of Resurrection is also what shows that we will be able to meet our relatives once again on the Final Day" (Wtorek). Despite appearances, death is not the end of our lives; it is just the beginning.

A body does not play a great role in eternal life - it is the soul that is important. This could be one of the main reasons why the Catholic Church "allows this form of burial" (Wtorek). This is fortunate, taking into account that we will, one day, face the inevitable lack of burial space. Cremation will be the best solution, allowing the soul to rest and wait for its resurrection "dust thou art, and unto dust shall thou return", quotes Father Richard.

Based on the Bible and its references to life after death, every single one of us is like a small plant seed. Over the course of our lives and existence, we are simply waiting for our souls to bloom from our bodies, which happens after our physical form disappears "For if we have been planted together in the likeness of his death, we shall be also [in the likeness] of [his] resurrection" (Rom 6:5).

HW 53 - Independent Research A

Dance, Laugh, Drink. Save the Date: It’s a Ghanaian Funeral.

Whether they are taking place in Ghana or America, Ghanian funerals always resemble a wild party rather than a sad ceremony. After the death of a family member or a friend, people of the Ghanian culture organize a huge event where everyone comes to dance, drink and have fun with their friends and family. Everyone  invited is expected to pay a fair amount of money  to help fund the funeral or transport back to Ghana.

None of the guests of such a funeral party are ever seen sad or mourning. There are cases where the people who come or are invited never even had anything to do with the deceased person. Death in this culture is seen as another excuse to party. When a Ghanaian is bored, they ask around if perhaps someone is not holding a funeral. And it does not exactly matter if someone passed away a few days or a few months ago- a joyous celebration of someone's death is always welcome, whenever and wherever.

(New York Times, April 11, 2011)

Joyful Celebration

The inhabitants of Bali believe in reincarnation after cremation. Their funeral ceremony mainly consists of a colorful procession with everyone laughing, talking and enjoying themselves. Once cremated, some of the ashes are buried at a cemetery while the rest is thrown into a river. The ceremony ends without a single sad face.

(Otwock News, October 31, 2003)

A Gypsy Queen's Funeral

A Gypsy Queen's Funeral took place on April 15th at St. Mary's Catholic Church. The celebration was a simple ceremony with guests and family members dressed and accompanied by a recurring theme of the color black. After a celebration in church, the mourners started a procession in which the queen in her hearse was followed by coaches and a wagon for the family. It was a very gloom and dark yet plain funeral.

(New York Times, April 16, 1892)

~~

These three articles show different perspectives on death. Two of them, Asian and African, illustrate a positive and lively approach to funerals while the third, mainly European, shows quite the opposite.  It is tempting to hypothesize that their origins had a strong influence on their habits. Eastern Asian and African cultures are known to be much older than those of the Gypsies. Perhaps the first tribes believed that death was something good, that people should celebrate that someone went to a supposedly better place. As cultures and traditions evolved over the years and through different continents, death started to be associated with sadness and mourning over the loss of a loved one. 

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

I sent an email with two questions to a funeral home and a company which makes diamonds out of cremains. I was surprised because I actually expected to be ignored by them completely. 

- My first question to the funeral home (Dimiceli & Sons in Manhattan) addressed a similar aspect to what Jessica Mitford defined as pre-need sale. In some cases, people have the misfortune of living completely alone with no friends and family, so I asked if Dimiceli & Sons often get questions from people planning their own funeral. I got the answer that yes, and that in these cases customers "can appoint someone (anyone)....a neighbor, priest, minister, lawyer, rabbi, etc to see that final disposition of the remains is handled properly. " 

In answer to my second question, the Dimiceli & Sons representative answered that the most difficult aspect of working in the funeral industry is dealing with the funeral of babies children and young people. It is also not easy for them to handle "moms-to-be who lose their child in-utero."

- I interviewed Life Gem, a company making memorial diamonds, because I actually like the idea of turning part of a loved one into a beautiful memorial which can be kept forever and even passed on among generations. 

First, I asked about the usual relationship of their customers to the loved one whose cremains they want turned into diamonds (whether it is mostly family or do friends sometimes order these diamonds as well). I got the answer that orders are made almost always by family members.

Similarly to the regular funeral industry, Life Gem also gets questions in advance. They receive pre-need inquiries "quite often. Sometimes months in advance, sometimes years in advance."

I almost feel that if it wasn't for the fact that I was interviewing death companies about their trade, it wouldn't be that obvious what the main subject is. This might sound confusing but what I mean  is that the representatives who answered my questions seemed almost oblivious to death and "talked" about it as they would about any other topic. I think that, because they deal with it on a daily basis, people in this industry almost have to develop a sort of impassivity. They would not get anywhere if they teared up with every customer they came across. This may seem depressing but its just another part of their job, a kind of sacrifice which has to be made, just like with any other job.

Further questions:

-Do funeral homes have different procedures when dealing with funerals of children and unborn babies? Are there different laws/rules when it comes to the death of a little human?

-Do funeral homes offer services for pets, for fervid animal lovers?