HW 50 - First Third of Care-of-the-Dead Book Post

I am reading "The American Way of Death" by Jessica Mitford.

To begin, I described a seminar where I had to give a speech about my book (which has already been revised to fit in with the changes which happened over time). I also had the chance to listen to the talks of other specialists which, I must say, were almost predictable.

This led me to introducing the approach of undertakers and morticians to the treatment of the deceased. Not surprisingly, avoiding negative connotations to their jobs, undertakers took on the name of funeral directors. They have been substituting other death and funeral-related terms with somewhat more "pleasing" names. Of course they would- they don't want to scare away their customers by throwing about words like corpse or coffin.

All this is connected to the business behind funerals. "Funeral directors" have started making up senseless laws, simply to draw money from their customers (or more likely their customers' families). They arrange caskets in a way which makes the buyer choose a price most convenient for the seller. Morticians always try affect the buyers' feelings and emotions when discussing costs, whether it is done by lighting and temperature or simply by using certain words.

The body itself actually plays an important role in a funeral as well. A big part of preparing the dead for their last farewell is their looks- nobody wants to look like they just got out of bed, especially at their own funeral. The first step to this is embalming, which includes sucking out all the blood and replacing it with embalming fluid. This is not the most pleasant thing to do or be the subject of but, well, you have to suffer to look beautiful. Specialized companies have been making clothes which are comfortable for both the deceased and the person who dresses them. This clothing includes even lingerie, just in case a funeral guest decides to undress the honorary guest. 

Here are quotes I enjoyed in the first third of the book:

"A person can drive up to an expensive restaurant in a Cadillac and can order, rather than the $40 dinner, a $2 cup of tea and he will be served. It is unlikely that the proprietor will point to his elegant furnishings and staff and demand that the Cadillac owner order something more commensurate with his ability to pay so as to help defray the overhead of the restaurant" (p. 32.)

"I replied that since I spend a lot of time in motels where the only reading matter supplied was a Bible, I was familiar with the story […] but if you read further, it seems he didn't stay there all that long. I mean he was up and out in three days." (p. 37)

I noticed that "The American Way of Death" is somewhat similar to "Born in the USA" which i read in the last unit. This may be because the authors of both books provided basic information and added anecdotes afterwards to support their claims. Jessica Mitford shows the absurd of the death industry. In the first third of the book, she controversially discusses issues encountered by families organizing a funeral. I realized that selling coffins is actually approached the same as selling regular everyday products. Supermarkets are also arranged in a way to make the customers buy what the sellers want to sell, not particularly what the buyer needs. This is not surprising because, I suspect, a casket is actually just a product which is produced and needs to be sold for a convenient price. I found the description of embalming very interesting. The author compares it to a regular surgical operation. I found out that many physical alterations need to be made to the corpse in order to make it visually pleasing. These changes include sucking all the blood out, stretching and tightening the skin or even cutting flesh in various places.

Despite the sad and depressing topic, I think it will teach me a lot of interesting facts about death which I might need in the future.

*HW 48 - Family Perspectives on the Care of the Dead*

I interviewed my parents at the same time. They usually had similar answers but also disagreed in several aspects.

Starting off with the basic question, whether they were afraid of death, my dad said that he was but he tries not to think about it. My mom added that, in rural Poland, there is a tradition and practice to approach the coffin and kiss the dead person on the hand and say a last goodbye. This may have induced fear of the dead by making a funeral experience rather traumatic. 

My parents agreed that the fear of death is connected to our human instinct. We were 'programmed' to survive and people are afraid to die because we naturally strive for survival of our species.

Answering my next question about respecting the dead, my dad said that paying respect to a dead person "defines us as people and differs from animals". It is connected to our feelings toward the person and our wish to provide them with peace they deserve.

According to the Cremation Association of North America, the percentage of cremation in North America rose from 15% in 1985 to 27% in 2001. My dad believes that this is the case because of the rising population of the world. He thinks that, eventually, "cremation will become a must, not due to disrespect of some sort, but simply because of an inevitable lack of space". 

My mom then posed a question, asking why do we think some people want to be cremated after death. 

She mentioned hearing someone say they fear one day waking up in their tomb, deep underground. This seemed like a reasonable resin for preferring to be cremated. Other people believe cremation is more ecological; that a rotting body may not be too good for the environment. 

"Our pediatrician, however, wished to be cremated in order to avoid his body being the subject of biological experiments". My dad concluded by saying people might feel a sort of social sense of not wanting to make too much of a deal out of burial. 

When asked whether funerals and receptions afterwards should be kept positive and lively rather than sad and nostalgic, my dad agreed, but added that "wouldn't be able to stay happy at a funeral". My mom then added that, indeed, it would be very difficult for her not to mourn at a funeral.

I then asked if they think washing a person after death is a result of respect or simply hygiene. My dad first said that, in his opinion, it is because of hygienic reasons, however "world history and culture has shown that the hygiene of a dead person is an element of respect and getting a person ready for their afterlife". In my mom's opinion, the main reason lies in respect and tradition. She mentioned people comparing hygiene of the dead to people getting ready to go somewhere - the dead are being prepared to go on a journey.

At the end, I asked my parents if they thought people will, one day, be able to extend their lifespan or, better yet, find a way to become immortal. They agreed that extend life - yes, but not exactly make people immortal. My dad pointed out that people used to live up to around 45 years of age which has almost doubled over the years. He suspects people will, one day, be able to extend the average lifespan to above 100 years of age, but not to infinity.

In this interview, my parents often related their answers to religion and culture. Our family, and most Polish families in general, are strictly Catholic, and have a tradition of church funerals followed by a reception. When it comes to funerals, we tend not to deviate from religiously imposed norms.

I think my parents' answers were not unusual, at least not to me, as I was raised in a Christian family and I have been taught respect for the dead. I didn't come in contact with an American approach to death yet but I suspect I might be a little surprised listening to my peers talking about their family practices concerning death. 

HW 47 - Peer Perspectives on the Care of the Dead

I interviewed a few of my friends about death. I am lucky to know people of different cultures and nationalities which allowed me to get to know different points of view.

- All of my interviewees said they were scared of death. This was for many different reasons. Lawrence (my Chinese classmate) said he was he was afraid, "because he feels he would be so lonely after he dies". On the other hand, my Venezuelan friend Andres is scared to die because he still has so many things to do in his life. 

- Most of my peers have never attended a funeral (unless you count flushing a pet fish down the toilet which, in a way, is a funeral). Out of all my interviewees, only Lawrence has been to a funeral. In his culture, it is a ritual "for 6-10 hours a day, for 3 consecutive days". He describes the experience as tedious and mentions that he can still remember the smell of the candles.

- My Polish friend, Paweł, experienced the death of three of his pets. He felt differently about each of them and thinks that, to him, the death of a pet would be like the death of his (nonexistent) brother. Andres also said that the death of a pet would be "completely devastating". Lawrence had a slightly different point of view. He said that, in the Chinese culture, the death of a pet would not be treated as emotionally as that of a family member.

- The most surprising answer out of all my interviews was Lawrence's, about being remembered after death. Andres and Paweł both said they want to be remembered. "I want people to say all the amazing stuff I did when I was alive" said Andres. Paweł mentioned that, if you are not remembered, it is almost as if you "didn't mean anything to anyone". Lawrence, however, said that he does not want to remembered if people are going to be sad when thinking about his death "I just don't like to cause other people's unhappiness".

Some of the answers I got were strongly based on culture and beliefs, while others were simply personal opinions. I found out things I never realized before (for example the Chinese funeral ritual which I want to research further on in this unit). On the other hand, some opinions and answers were very similar to my own. 

I felt strange asking my peers about death. When I usually talk to them, I think death is the one subject we try to avoid, but in this case, it was the main topic of our discussion. These interviews made me realize that there are as many views on death as there are people in the world. Everyone has a different opinion on the subject, whether it is because of their culture or simply just their personality. 

HW 46 - Initial Thoughts on the Care of the Dead

First of all, I am terribly scared of death and I suspect this unit will not be easy for me. Coming from a different country I have already noticed a difference between the two cultures when it comes to the fare of the dead. 

One major difference is the type of burial. In America, graveyards are, from what I've seen, usually grassy fields with very simple tomb stones. In Poland, however, cemeteries have a more serious look with classic graves and decorative engravings. This is probably influenced by religion and beliefs. Poland is a Catholic country and most of our traditions, including those concerning the dead, are rooted in Christianity. In America, however, one religion is not implied for everyone (as stated in the first amendment). While in Poland it is difficult to come across a cemetery which is not the traditional type, America has a wide variety of different kinds of graveyards.

In my lifetime I have only experienced two deaths in my family, one of which I was too young to remember. I am lucky to still have all of my grandparents and one great-grandmother and I try not to think about their death, which may in fact happen relatively soon *knocking on wood*. I have only been to one funeral, which was of my grandmother's sister. I remember catching a glimpse of her, lying in her coffin at the altar. Even though I was sitting in the last row, I simply could not take it and had to leave the Church for a while, terrified, crying my eyes out. It did not help that Polish funerals are often very sublime and are accompanied by beautiful mourning music.

Here are some questions I have concerning the care of the dead:

• What exactly happens during cremation?
• How do people in different cultures deal with, and get over, the death of their loved ones?
• What happens if someone ends up being buried alive? (is that possible?)
• Why did people start burying the dead?

HW 45 - Reply to Other People's Comments

From Lily (protege):

I really liked the visual representation, of when the labor period was separated into Caesarean and natural birth. I also liked the personal connections throughout the project, those of your own birth and delivery. I thought you put quite a lot of effort into the entire project, which made the poster very organised and easy to understand.

To Lily:

Thank you! It took me quite some time to figure out how to show the two possible endings of labor and I'm glad someone noticed it. As for the stories, my mom keeps telling me more and more but unfortunately there wasn't enough space for all of them on my poster. 

From Kasia - My mom (mentor):

I like the idea of visualizing the process of giving birth. Your concept is to show the growing tension throughout time. This may help people who were not (or will never be) directly involved in the process to imagine what the whole process looks like.
It is obvious, but I have to mention, that your stories are very personal to me. They gave me an opportunity to recall everything once again. I must say I was lucky that everything went so smoothly for me.

I think that one of the aspects which may have been worth mentioning is that the mother should always concentrate not on her own pain but on the safe delivery of her baby. She should always bear in mind that it is more difficult for the baby than for the mom. Inside the womb, a baby feels safe and cozy. It is warm, the light is soft, it hears only soothing sounds of the intestines and the mother's heartbeat. Then, all of a sudden, something starts to happen that is intended to change everything. Water disappears, contractions push and the baby gets tightly squeezed. While outside, it has to breath by itself, it is suddenly surrounded by bright light, noise, and lots of fuss. There are big hands that touching and examining it. The air and temperature seem very strange. Even fabric and beds are uncomfortable. 

If such aspects are taken into consideration by the mom, the baby is not a trouble and pain paker, but is a little being which needs a lot of help. This is a psychological issue which must be emphasized while a pregnant mom is preparing herself for giving birth.

To Mom:

You are right, one of my intentions was to initiate into labor those, who may never get the chance to experience it themselves. I wonder if reading your stories being told by someone else make you look at them differently. After all, you were the main character. I hope I didn't switch things around. I did my best to re-tell them just as I heard them from you.

You made a good point here. Labor is a bigger stress for the baby than it is for the mother. Some people seem to even forget about the baby and focus on the mother's pain. She, of course, is important too but, as you said, her job is to deliver the baby to our world whatever it takes. I wish I had remembered to include this in my project. 

Thank you for your insight!

From Bianca (classmate):

Martyna,
I thought your presentation/poster was awesome. The colors did birth justice as it is truly a miracle. You draw an abstract representation of birth and represent the usual boring phrases, "as the birth progressed, the contractions get stronger" with a red tube that zig zags and gets bigger as it progresses to the right of the poster. You strive to create a visual of the process of birth with the help of anecdotes from your family friend. You clearly describe what Pitocin, Cesarean Section, and Epidurals are capable of doing.

I appreciate that you chose to do something creative. I have not yet seen anyone make a poster, even when the option was available. The visuals really help further your story/timeline. The timeline was helpful and extremely structured. I value the fact that you were able to make the clear connections between your story and drawings.

Your project matters to me because I am a woman, capable of giving birth. Once I am old enough, I will want to have a baby. It's important, to me, to know what the effects of pitocin are and the possible complications of a cesarean section. This knowledge would be helpful in the event that I want to create a birth plan or acknowledge when my obstetrician or midwife makes a suggestion rather than thinking it was a necessary course of action to take.

I wish you had gone into more depth about how investigating birth was important to you. Although it was easy to understand the ideas you were trying to get across, I could not identify the intent in your choosing to do this project.

Great Work! I wish I could have done something like this to make my project more aesthetically pleasing.  

To Bianca:

I am glad my project was clear and easy to read and that you understood what I wanted to communicate through my timeline. I did my best to make it understandable even without reading the explanations.

Indeed, a pregnant woman has to know what is happening to her. I is never too early to start finding out all the small, yet most important, things about labor and its nice to know that my project expanded your knowledge about it all. 

You are right, I could have maybe included a little summary or introduction to the whole process, even somewhere off to the side. I will remember that for my future projects, thank you!

HW 44 - comments

TO:
Eloise:

Eloise! You chose to investigate the subject of human sex vs. savage animal reproduction. You created a video collage containing sex and labor, and wrote a poem discussing the taboo subject of sex and giving birth. 

I appreciate the work you must have put into the video. I am interested in movie making and I know that, at least for me, such a montage takes a lot of time and skill to stitch together. The way you transitioned between clips keeps the viewer awake, eager to know what will happen next.

Your topic matters to me because I have been thinking about how sex in our society is starting to become just another source of pleasure. Teenagers seem not to care about the emotional side of love-making. Its a shame that your project can't really be shared publicly because it could help some people realize that people should not become savage animals.

The combination of film and words made your project intriguing and gave me food for thought. Awesome work!


Bianca:

Bianca! You interviewed your peers about abortion, a difficult subject which, unfortunately, seems to become more common in our society. You also wrote an analysis of your interviewees' response and connected their opinions to what happens around us.

I value your courage to interview people about such a taboo subject. At places, the questions seem almost uncomfortable but both you and your peers managed to approach them in a mature way.

Your project matters to me because I, myself, know a person who was considering abortion. She lived in Poland but your project showed me that the attitude towards abortion is the same here as it was in my country. I find that interesting and I am glad you gave me an opportunity to compare the subject in two different environments.

Amber:

Amber! You researched and investigated how a type of birth affects the bonding of a mother and her baby and included a lot of interesting quotes from various sources.

I appreciate how much work you must have put into your project. You used a lot of very interesting information and interpreted it in a way which matches your subject. I like the fact that you had a clearly stated thesis and supported it very well throughout your writing.

Your project is important to me, because I am very interested in the different ways bonding can be affected. My mom always tells me that the most beautiful moments of her life were when she held me and my brother for the first time. Your project makes me wonder if my mom's experience would have been the same if she had a cesarean section. 

Great work!

------------

FROM:

Lily (protege):

I really liked the visual representation, of when the labor period was separated into Caesarean and natural birth. I also liked the personal connections throughout the project, those of your own birth and delivery. I thought you put quite a lot of effort into the entire project, which made the poster very organised and easy to understand.

Kasia - My mom (mentor):

I like the idea of visualizing the process of giving birth. Your concept is to show the growing tension throughout time. This may help people who were not (or will never be) directly involved in the process to imagine what the whole process looks like.
It is obvious, but I have to mention, that your stories are very personal to me. They gave me an opportunity to recall everything once again. I must say I was lucky that everything went so smoothly for me.

I think that one of the aspects which may have been worth mentioning is that the mother should always concentrate not on her own pain but on the safe delivery of her baby. She should always bear in mind that it is more difficult for the baby than for the mom. Inside the womb, a baby feels safe and cozy. It is warm, the light is soft, it hears only soothing sounds of the intestines and the mother's heartbeat. Then, all of a sudden, something starts to happen that is intended to change everything. Water disappears, contractions push and the baby gets tightly squeezed. While outside, it has to breath by itself, it is suddenly surrounded by bright light, noise, and lots of fuss. There are big hands that touching and examining it. The air and temperature seem very strange. Even fabric and beds are uncomfortable. 

If such aspects are taken into consideration by the mom, the baby is not a trouble and pain paker, but is a little being which needs a lot of help. This is a psychological issue which must be emphasized while a pregnant mom is preparing herself for giving birth.

Bianca (classmate):

Martyna,
I thought your presentation/poster was awesome. The colors did birth justice as it is truly a miracle. You draw an abstract representation of birth and represent the usual boring phrases, "as the birth progressed, the contractions get stronger" with a red tube that zig zags and gets bigger as it progresses to the right of the poster. You strive to create a visual of the process of birth with the help of anecdotes from your family friend. You clearly describe what Pitocin, Cesarean Section, and Epidurals are capable of doing.

I appreciate that you chose to do something creative. I have not yet seen anyone make a poster, even when the option was available. The visuals really help further your story/timeline. The timeline was helpful and extremely structured. I value the fact that you were able to make the clear connections between your story and drawings.

Your project matters to me because I am a woman, capable of giving birth. Once I am old enough, I will want to have a baby. It's important, to me, to know what the effects of pitocin are and the possible complications of a cesarean section. This knowledge would be helpful in the event that I want to create a birth plan or acknowledge when my obstetrician or midwife makes a suggestion rather than thinking it was a necessary course of action to take.

I wish you had gone into more depth about how investigating birth was important to you. Although it was easy to understand the ideas you were trying to get across, I could not identify the intent in your choosing to do this project.

Great Work! I wish I could have done something like this to make my project more aesthetically pleasing. 

HW 42 - Pregnancy & birth culminating project

For my culminating project I chose to visually present the process of giving birth, from first contractions up to when the baby is finally born. I drew labor as a timeline and added explanations and real life stories along the sides.
Here is a photo of my work, which I will bring to school tomorrow: