HW 51 - Second Third of "The American Way of Death"

Cemetery owners use the fact that cemeteries are tax-exempted and gain profit from selling burial places and offering other services. Funeral companies are almost forcing customers to buy pre-need graves,  implying that its now or never. In short - everyone employed in the funeral trade is trying to make business out of other peoples' grief, and that is what they have been doing over the last thirty years or so. This has already reached the point where, in desperation, they have criticized religion and tradition. 

The biggest enemies of funeral directors are crematoriums. When a body is turned into ash, it no longer needs a casket and might not even need a proper grave. If more and more people prefer to be cremated then what is the point of all the casket selling strategies? Of course the sale of urns would rise but what fun is it selling urns that are at more than twice as cheap. However, taking all into account, it should still be all about what the customer and/or his family wish for. After all, without them, the funeral business would never have the right to exist.

~~~

Quotes I enjoyed:

• "In the distance, the group of people entering one of the churches could be either a wedding party or a funeral party; it's hard to tell the difference at Forest Lawn." (p.103)

• "The guidebook says [the entrance gates] are the largest in the world (…) and (presumably to warn anyone rash enough to try hefting one) adds that each weighs about five thousand pounds." (p. 102)

• "Well I think it will be better to have [Mr B's dead mother] here, because there is a window here, she'll get lots of air." (p. 127)

• "They went so far as to cremate one another in defiance of the authorities, thus subjecting themselves to public censure and even to criminal prosecution." (p. 113)

• "God's Little Million Dollar Acre"

~~~

I think it is sad how funeral directors do everything to make cremation look like the worst thing that can happen to a dead person. "One mortician suggested telling the family that if they only knew what went on in the crematory resort, they wouldn't even have a dog cremated." (p. 115). I feel this is very disrespectful to people, and families of people, who have been or want  to be cremated. I don't believe the mortician's statement quoted above. If crematoriums were in unacceptable or poor conditions, most would already be closed down after some sort of inspection (I suppose there must be something like a crematory inspection). 

It is terrible to think that people are fighting over money even in such a delicate field as one concerning death. It is already difficult for the family to bear with the loss of a loved one; they don't need the additional stress and thoughts on what is right, what is wrong or what would be best.

HW 49 - Comments on Best of Our Break HW

Comments I made:


To Sam:


Your post is very well organized. It is clear who you interviewed and what questions you asked. You present your parents' statements and connect them to your own opinions.
In a way, I think I would have a similar attitude to your father's - I don't want to think about what happens to me after I die, because I am scared of the idea itself, therefore I understand why your dad was not completely serious about it. 
I like that you included your hypothesis at the end. This shows that not only did you ask questions and listen to the answers, but you also made your own conclusions based on what you found out from your interviewees.
There were a few parts where I got a bit confused by the wording (especially in the first sentence), but I managed to make sense of everything at the end. Thank you for sharing your interviews :)
Martyna


To Amber:


You described interviews with three teenagers of diverse religious backgrounds. This allowed you to make comparisons between different points of view.
I was particularly interested in the interview with your cousin. It included a brief description of a traditional Islamic funeral, which gave me new insight on the subject. Even though I lived in an Arabic country I never came in contact with the culture's attitude toward death (that is - until I read your post).
The the end, you connected what you found out in your interviews to your own opinions. This shows that you thought through and analyzed the information you obtained from your interviewees.
I agree - we don't usually talk about death. I appreciate that you had the courage to ask some of your questions despite them being rather unusual.
Your post was clear and interesting to read. Thank you,
Martyna


To Kevin:


You talked to three peers about the care of the dead and summarized their answers.
Danny had a slightly different opinion to what we usually come across. To me, it seems almost wrong to say it doesn't matter what happens to a dead person's body. His opinion was very interesting and could be quite controversial.
I have to disagree with your thought in the last paragraph; I think the body physically is quite important- you might get a different experience when standing over a grave knowing that you are actually close to the body of the person (or its ashes/remains), than when you are simply looking at a gravestone.
My suggestion would be to, at least briefly, plan what questions you are going to ask, or maybe think out in which direction you would like to steer your discussion when interviewing.
Overall, you included some good thoughts and quotes.
Thanks for your interviews,
Martyna


~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~


Comments I recieved:


From Sam:


Martyna,
I can't help but say i was impressed by reading your blog. I think that the amount of work that you put in to this post is very well reflected to the readers. I really like how you were able to understand that you have a somewhat biased point of view because of the way you were raised and how you were able to post the answers to your questions seemingly without bias. I particularly liked how well spoken your parents seem, they seem very down to earth about their answers. They understand the traditions set by their religion such as the church ceremonies and mourning the dead, and they also understand how weird these traditions can be. I don't really have any suggestions for you because i really did enjoy this post.
Sam


From mom:

The topic of “caring for the dead” is one of the most difficult to discuss. The interview provoked my consideration of some issues connected with the subject. You included many good questions, think it would be interesting to compare and research them in more depth. A subject worth exploring might be the growing number of cremations. Before your interview, I did not realize that the numbers have been growing . It would be interesting to know more about that. Did you know that, in Poland, it is forbidden by law to scatter human ashes? Also, cremations in Poland started only 20 years ago. This is related to the traumatic period of World War II, when cremation was connected to the biggest crime in Aushwitz.

Your 6th paragraph is connected to the atmosphere at the reception after a funeral. The psychologists say that mourning has its stages. The first is shock and apathy. It appears shortly after death. Usually we do not want to believe that the person is dead. The second stage is sorrow and longing. People are overcome with grief and might even feel physical pain. Then comes the third stage – reorganizing a life without the beloved person. It is necessary to go through all these stages in order to start a normal life once again. That is why, after doing some thinking, I think the reception (which we have a special word for in Polish) should not be happy. People would only try to cover up their real feelings but the sorrow would come later, making the mourning process even longer.
Katarzyna

HW 50 - First Third of Care-of-the-Dead Book Post

I am reading "The American Way of Death" by Jessica Mitford.

To begin, I described a seminar where I had to give a speech about my book (which has already been revised to fit in with the changes which happened over time). I also had the chance to listen to the talks of other specialists which, I must say, were almost predictable.

This led me to introducing the approach of undertakers and morticians to the treatment of the deceased. Not surprisingly, avoiding negative connotations to their jobs, undertakers took on the name of funeral directors. They have been substituting other death and funeral-related terms with somewhat more "pleasing" names. Of course they would- they don't want to scare away their customers by throwing about words like corpse or coffin.

All this is connected to the business behind funerals. "Funeral directors" have started making up senseless laws, simply to draw money from their customers (or more likely their customers' families). They arrange caskets in a way which makes the buyer choose a price most convenient for the seller. Morticians always try affect the buyers' feelings and emotions when discussing costs, whether it is done by lighting and temperature or simply by using certain words.

The body itself actually plays an important role in a funeral as well. A big part of preparing the dead for their last farewell is their looks- nobody wants to look like they just got out of bed, especially at their own funeral. The first step to this is embalming, which includes sucking out all the blood and replacing it with embalming fluid. This is not the most pleasant thing to do or be the subject of but, well, you have to suffer to look beautiful. Specialized companies have been making clothes which are comfortable for both the deceased and the person who dresses them. This clothing includes even lingerie, just in case a funeral guest decides to undress the honorary guest. 

Here are quotes I enjoyed in the first third of the book:

"A person can drive up to an expensive restaurant in a Cadillac and can order, rather than the $40 dinner, a $2 cup of tea and he will be served. It is unlikely that the proprietor will point to his elegant furnishings and staff and demand that the Cadillac owner order something more commensurate with his ability to pay so as to help defray the overhead of the restaurant" (p. 32.)

"I replied that since I spend a lot of time in motels where the only reading matter supplied was a Bible, I was familiar with the story […] but if you read further, it seems he didn't stay there all that long. I mean he was up and out in three days." (p. 37)

I noticed that "The American Way of Death" is somewhat similar to "Born in the USA" which i read in the last unit. This may be because the authors of both books provided basic information and added anecdotes afterwards to support their claims. Jessica Mitford shows the absurd of the death industry. In the first third of the book, she controversially discusses issues encountered by families organizing a funeral. I realized that selling coffins is actually approached the same as selling regular everyday products. Supermarkets are also arranged in a way to make the customers buy what the sellers want to sell, not particularly what the buyer needs. This is not surprising because, I suspect, a casket is actually just a product which is produced and needs to be sold for a convenient price. I found the description of embalming very interesting. The author compares it to a regular surgical operation. I found out that many physical alterations need to be made to the corpse in order to make it visually pleasing. These changes include sucking all the blood out, stretching and tightening the skin or even cutting flesh in various places.

Despite the sad and depressing topic, I think it will teach me a lot of interesting facts about death which I might need in the future.

*HW 48 - Family Perspectives on the Care of the Dead*

I interviewed my parents at the same time. They usually had similar answers but also disagreed in several aspects.

Starting off with the basic question, whether they were afraid of death, my dad said that he was but he tries not to think about it. My mom added that, in rural Poland, there is a tradition and practice to approach the coffin and kiss the dead person on the hand and say a last goodbye. This may have induced fear of the dead by making a funeral experience rather traumatic. 

My parents agreed that the fear of death is connected to our human instinct. We were 'programmed' to survive and people are afraid to die because we naturally strive for survival of our species.

Answering my next question about respecting the dead, my dad said that paying respect to a dead person "defines us as people and differs from animals". It is connected to our feelings toward the person and our wish to provide them with peace they deserve.

According to the Cremation Association of North America, the percentage of cremation in North America rose from 15% in 1985 to 27% in 2001. My dad believes that this is the case because of the rising population of the world. He thinks that, eventually, "cremation will become a must, not due to disrespect of some sort, but simply because of an inevitable lack of space". 

My mom then posed a question, asking why do we think some people want to be cremated after death. 

She mentioned hearing someone say they fear one day waking up in their tomb, deep underground. This seemed like a reasonable resin for preferring to be cremated. Other people believe cremation is more ecological; that a rotting body may not be too good for the environment. 

"Our pediatrician, however, wished to be cremated in order to avoid his body being the subject of biological experiments". My dad concluded by saying people might feel a sort of social sense of not wanting to make too much of a deal out of burial. 

When asked whether funerals and receptions afterwards should be kept positive and lively rather than sad and nostalgic, my dad agreed, but added that "wouldn't be able to stay happy at a funeral". My mom then added that, indeed, it would be very difficult for her not to mourn at a funeral.

I then asked if they think washing a person after death is a result of respect or simply hygiene. My dad first said that, in his opinion, it is because of hygienic reasons, however "world history and culture has shown that the hygiene of a dead person is an element of respect and getting a person ready for their afterlife". In my mom's opinion, the main reason lies in respect and tradition. She mentioned people comparing hygiene of the dead to people getting ready to go somewhere - the dead are being prepared to go on a journey.

At the end, I asked my parents if they thought people will, one day, be able to extend their lifespan or, better yet, find a way to become immortal. They agreed that extend life - yes, but not exactly make people immortal. My dad pointed out that people used to live up to around 45 years of age which has almost doubled over the years. He suspects people will, one day, be able to extend the average lifespan to above 100 years of age, but not to infinity.

In this interview, my parents often related their answers to religion and culture. Our family, and most Polish families in general, are strictly Catholic, and have a tradition of church funerals followed by a reception. When it comes to funerals, we tend not to deviate from religiously imposed norms.

I think my parents' answers were not unusual, at least not to me, as I was raised in a Christian family and I have been taught respect for the dead. I didn't come in contact with an American approach to death yet but I suspect I might be a little surprised listening to my peers talking about their family practices concerning death. 

HW 47 - Peer Perspectives on the Care of the Dead

I interviewed a few of my friends about death. I am lucky to know people of different cultures and nationalities which allowed me to get to know different points of view.

- All of my interviewees said they were scared of death. This was for many different reasons. Lawrence (my Chinese classmate) said he was he was afraid, "because he feels he would be so lonely after he dies". On the other hand, my Venezuelan friend Andres is scared to die because he still has so many things to do in his life. 

- Most of my peers have never attended a funeral (unless you count flushing a pet fish down the toilet which, in a way, is a funeral). Out of all my interviewees, only Lawrence has been to a funeral. In his culture, it is a ritual "for 6-10 hours a day, for 3 consecutive days". He describes the experience as tedious and mentions that he can still remember the smell of the candles.

- My Polish friend, Paweł, experienced the death of three of his pets. He felt differently about each of them and thinks that, to him, the death of a pet would be like the death of his (nonexistent) brother. Andres also said that the death of a pet would be "completely devastating". Lawrence had a slightly different point of view. He said that, in the Chinese culture, the death of a pet would not be treated as emotionally as that of a family member.

- The most surprising answer out of all my interviews was Lawrence's, about being remembered after death. Andres and Paweł both said they want to be remembered. "I want people to say all the amazing stuff I did when I was alive" said Andres. Paweł mentioned that, if you are not remembered, it is almost as if you "didn't mean anything to anyone". Lawrence, however, said that he does not want to remembered if people are going to be sad when thinking about his death "I just don't like to cause other people's unhappiness".

Some of the answers I got were strongly based on culture and beliefs, while others were simply personal opinions. I found out things I never realized before (for example the Chinese funeral ritual which I want to research further on in this unit). On the other hand, some opinions and answers were very similar to my own. 

I felt strange asking my peers about death. When I usually talk to them, I think death is the one subject we try to avoid, but in this case, it was the main topic of our discussion. These interviews made me realize that there are as many views on death as there are people in the world. Everyone has a different opinion on the subject, whether it is because of their culture or simply just their personality. 

HW 46 - Initial Thoughts on the Care of the Dead

First of all, I am terribly scared of death and I suspect this unit will not be easy for me. Coming from a different country I have already noticed a difference between the two cultures when it comes to the fare of the dead. 

One major difference is the type of burial. In America, graveyards are, from what I've seen, usually grassy fields with very simple tomb stones. In Poland, however, cemeteries have a more serious look with classic graves and decorative engravings. This is probably influenced by religion and beliefs. Poland is a Catholic country and most of our traditions, including those concerning the dead, are rooted in Christianity. In America, however, one religion is not implied for everyone (as stated in the first amendment). While in Poland it is difficult to come across a cemetery which is not the traditional type, America has a wide variety of different kinds of graveyards.

In my lifetime I have only experienced two deaths in my family, one of which I was too young to remember. I am lucky to still have all of my grandparents and one great-grandmother and I try not to think about their death, which may in fact happen relatively soon *knocking on wood*. I have only been to one funeral, which was of my grandmother's sister. I remember catching a glimpse of her, lying in her coffin at the altar. Even though I was sitting in the last row, I simply could not take it and had to leave the Church for a while, terrified, crying my eyes out. It did not help that Polish funerals are often very sublime and are accompanied by beautiful mourning music.

Here are some questions I have concerning the care of the dead:

• What exactly happens during cremation?
• How do people in different cultures deal with, and get over, the death of their loved ones?
• What happens if someone ends up being buried alive? (is that possible?)
• Why did people start burying the dead?

HW 45 - Reply to Other People's Comments

From Lily (protege):

I really liked the visual representation, of when the labor period was separated into Caesarean and natural birth. I also liked the personal connections throughout the project, those of your own birth and delivery. I thought you put quite a lot of effort into the entire project, which made the poster very organised and easy to understand.

To Lily:

Thank you! It took me quite some time to figure out how to show the two possible endings of labor and I'm glad someone noticed it. As for the stories, my mom keeps telling me more and more but unfortunately there wasn't enough space for all of them on my poster. 

From Kasia - My mom (mentor):

I like the idea of visualizing the process of giving birth. Your concept is to show the growing tension throughout time. This may help people who were not (or will never be) directly involved in the process to imagine what the whole process looks like.
It is obvious, but I have to mention, that your stories are very personal to me. They gave me an opportunity to recall everything once again. I must say I was lucky that everything went so smoothly for me.

I think that one of the aspects which may have been worth mentioning is that the mother should always concentrate not on her own pain but on the safe delivery of her baby. She should always bear in mind that it is more difficult for the baby than for the mom. Inside the womb, a baby feels safe and cozy. It is warm, the light is soft, it hears only soothing sounds of the intestines and the mother's heartbeat. Then, all of a sudden, something starts to happen that is intended to change everything. Water disappears, contractions push and the baby gets tightly squeezed. While outside, it has to breath by itself, it is suddenly surrounded by bright light, noise, and lots of fuss. There are big hands that touching and examining it. The air and temperature seem very strange. Even fabric and beds are uncomfortable. 

If such aspects are taken into consideration by the mom, the baby is not a trouble and pain paker, but is a little being which needs a lot of help. This is a psychological issue which must be emphasized while a pregnant mom is preparing herself for giving birth.

To Mom:

You are right, one of my intentions was to initiate into labor those, who may never get the chance to experience it themselves. I wonder if reading your stories being told by someone else make you look at them differently. After all, you were the main character. I hope I didn't switch things around. I did my best to re-tell them just as I heard them from you.

You made a good point here. Labor is a bigger stress for the baby than it is for the mother. Some people seem to even forget about the baby and focus on the mother's pain. She, of course, is important too but, as you said, her job is to deliver the baby to our world whatever it takes. I wish I had remembered to include this in my project. 

Thank you for your insight!

From Bianca (classmate):

Martyna,
I thought your presentation/poster was awesome. The colors did birth justice as it is truly a miracle. You draw an abstract representation of birth and represent the usual boring phrases, "as the birth progressed, the contractions get stronger" with a red tube that zig zags and gets bigger as it progresses to the right of the poster. You strive to create a visual of the process of birth with the help of anecdotes from your family friend. You clearly describe what Pitocin, Cesarean Section, and Epidurals are capable of doing.

I appreciate that you chose to do something creative. I have not yet seen anyone make a poster, even when the option was available. The visuals really help further your story/timeline. The timeline was helpful and extremely structured. I value the fact that you were able to make the clear connections between your story and drawings.

Your project matters to me because I am a woman, capable of giving birth. Once I am old enough, I will want to have a baby. It's important, to me, to know what the effects of pitocin are and the possible complications of a cesarean section. This knowledge would be helpful in the event that I want to create a birth plan or acknowledge when my obstetrician or midwife makes a suggestion rather than thinking it was a necessary course of action to take.

I wish you had gone into more depth about how investigating birth was important to you. Although it was easy to understand the ideas you were trying to get across, I could not identify the intent in your choosing to do this project.

Great Work! I wish I could have done something like this to make my project more aesthetically pleasing.  

To Bianca:

I am glad my project was clear and easy to read and that you understood what I wanted to communicate through my timeline. I did my best to make it understandable even without reading the explanations.

Indeed, a pregnant woman has to know what is happening to her. I is never too early to start finding out all the small, yet most important, things about labor and its nice to know that my project expanded your knowledge about it all. 

You are right, I could have maybe included a little summary or introduction to the whole process, even somewhere off to the side. I will remember that for my future projects, thank you!