I interviewed my parents at the same time. They usually had similar answers but also disagreed in several aspects.
Starting off with the basic question, whether they were afraid of death, my dad said that he was but he tries not to think about it. My mom added that, in rural Poland, there is a tradition and practice to approach the coffin and kiss the dead person on the hand and say a last goodbye. This may have induced fear of the dead by making a funeral experience rather traumatic.
My parents agreed that the fear of death is connected to our human instinct. We were 'programmed' to survive and people are afraid to die because we naturally strive for survival of our species.
Answering my next question about respecting the dead, my dad said that paying respect to a dead person "defines us as people and differs from animals". It is connected to our feelings toward the person and our wish to provide them with peace they deserve.
According to the Cremation Association of North America, the percentage of cremation in North America rose from 15% in 1985 to 27% in 2001. My dad believes that this is the case because of the rising population of the world. He thinks that, eventually, "cremation will become a must, not due to disrespect of some sort, but simply because of an inevitable lack of space".
My mom then posed a question, asking why do we think some people want to be cremated after death.
She mentioned hearing someone say they fear one day waking up in their tomb, deep underground. This seemed like a reasonable resin for preferring to be cremated. Other people believe cremation is more ecological; that a rotting body may not be too good for the environment.
"Our pediatrician, however, wished to be cremated in order to avoid his body being the subject of biological experiments". My dad concluded by saying people might feel a sort of social sense of not wanting to make too much of a deal out of burial.
When asked whether funerals and receptions afterwards should be kept positive and lively rather than sad and nostalgic, my dad agreed, but added that "wouldn't be able to stay happy at a funeral". My mom then added that, indeed, it would be very difficult for her not to mourn at a funeral.
I then asked if they think washing a person after death is a result of respect or simply hygiene. My dad first said that, in his opinion, it is because of hygienic reasons, however "world history and culture has shown that the hygiene of a dead person is an element of respect and getting a person ready for their afterlife". In my mom's opinion, the main reason lies in respect and tradition. She mentioned people comparing hygiene of the dead to people getting ready to go somewhere - the dead are being prepared to go on a journey.
At the end, I asked my parents if they thought people will, one day, be able to extend their lifespan or, better yet, find a way to become immortal. They agreed that extend life - yes, but not exactly make people immortal. My dad pointed out that people used to live up to around 45 years of age which has almost doubled over the years. He suspects people will, one day, be able to extend the average lifespan to above 100 years of age, but not to infinity.
In this interview, my parents often related their answers to religion and culture. Our family, and most Polish families in general, are strictly Catholic, and have a tradition of church funerals followed by a reception. When it comes to funerals, we tend not to deviate from religiously imposed norms.
I think my parents' answers were not unusual, at least not to me, as I was raised in a Christian family and I have been taught respect for the dead. I didn't come in contact with an American approach to death yet but I suspect I might be a little surprised listening to my peers talking about their family practices concerning death.
Martyna,
ReplyDeleteI can't help but say i was impressed by reading your blog. I think that the amount of work that you put in to this post is very well reflected to the readers. I really like how you were able to understand that you have a somewhat biased point of view because of the way you were raised and how you were able to post the answers to your questions seemingly without bias. I particularly liked how well spoken your parents seem, they seem very down to earth about their answers. They understand the traditions set by their religion such as the church ceremonies and mourning the dead, and they also understand how weird these traditions can be. I don't really have any suggestions for you because i really did enjoy this post.
Sam
Martyna,
ReplyDeleteThe topic of “caring for the dead” is one of the most difficult to discuss. The interview provoked my consideration of some issues connected with the subject. You included many good questions, think it would be interesting to compare and research them in more depth. A subject worth exploring might be the growing number of cremations. Before your interview, I did not realize that the numbers have been growing . It would be interesting to know more about that. Did you know that, in Poland, it is forbidden by law to scatter human ashes? Also, cremations in Poland started only 20 years ago. This is related to the traumatic period of World War II, when cremation was connected to the biggest crime in Aushwitz.
Your 6th paragraph is connected to the atmosphere at the reception after a funeral. The psychologists say that mourning has its stages. The first is shock and apathy. It appears shortly after death. Usually we do not want to believe that the person is dead. The second stage is sorrow and longing. People are overcome with grief and might even feel physical pain. Then comes the third stage – reorganizing a life without the beloved person. It is necessary to go through all these stages in order to start a normal life once again. That is why, after doing some thinking, I think the reception (which we have a special word for in Polish) should not be happy. People would only try to cover up their real feelings but the sorrow would come later, making the mourning process even longer.
ReplyDeleteKatarzyna
Anybody that reads this can tell you definitely put work into this blog. You incorporated relevant statistics to supplement your parents opinions which gave it context and made it more interesting to read.
ReplyDeleteIt was also interesting to read because as you said, your parents aren't from America. The traditions around death aren't the same everywhere in the world, and that's displayed in this post when your mom said the tradition is to kiss the hand of the deceased. In America I think many people would find this weird because the dead are kept separate.
Also it was interesting to see that some of the traditions are the same between cultures, mostly because they are religion based.
I think that this deserves a 10 regardless, but one thing that you could do to improve is to make sure your sentences coherently match up. At the beginning it happened once with going from fearing death to a polish tradition. Other then that, this post was great.
Martyna,
ReplyDeleteIt was interesting to read about your parents’ and their thoughts on care of the dead. I liked how they connected back to your Polish culture. When I interviewed my parents it was the same case; they kept connecting back to our Pakistani culture and Islam. I believe that faith affects how one shapes their thoughts on topics such as this one. You have grown up in a Christian family, and you were taught their way of approaching death. I think that the questions you asked your parents throughout this interview were a bit out of the ordinary which I thought made your interview interesting. Both of your parents gave honest answers and they seem to be good enough. In our society it is not common to be approached with such questions. At one point you asked you dad if he was afraid of death and he replied by saying that he does not try to think about it. This is true; I myself do not try to think about how I would like to be treated after death; this doesn’t seem to be much of a worry at this point in our lives. But what we don’t understand is that death can approach us any time sooner or later; so why not give it a thought now? Thanks for sharing the interview you conducted with your parents and your thoughts around it.
Amber M.